I love Costco. Love the merchandise, love the prices, love the quality, and even the long lines are not all too awful because you usually see plenty of checkers and packers and helpers working hard to move things along. My hubby loves Costco for different reasons: free food samples; the ability to buy things in quantity far too large for the two of us to use in a reasonable amount of time; and getting to see all the items on display that he is sure we could use and I am just as sure that NO, we don’t NEED it. And that brings me to my point.

There needs to be a special Costco protocol for husbands. I mean, if you have a toddler or young child they can be put into the seat in the cart. You know where that child is at all times, you leave the cart in the middle of the wide aisles so no little hands can reach for products, and “No” is a frequently used word until the child figures it all out and stops asking. But what about hubbys?  They come in handy when the cart is full and heavy, but for most of the time I’d like Costco to set up a corral with comfy chairs and a couple of large screen TVs where you can sign them in and they cannot leave until wife/female companion either comes to get him or texts the corral manager that hubby can be let out and is to proceed to aisle # ____, preferably with an escort to be sure he arrives quickly, where wifey/female companion is waiting.

Advice to husbands/male companions. Your job is to give your muscles a workout, reach for tall or heavy items, and utter a few short phrases: “Sure honey that is a great idea”;” I agree we don’t need that”; “Whatever you would like to do sweetie”; and, when offered a choice for something for himself to give an honest answer, quickly, and move on. “Yes, pot roast for dinner is a great idea,” or “I know it is a great price but I don’t get a good close shave with that type of razor”, for example.

Men hunt; women shop!  They are both competition sports. Costco is great hunting grounds for basics, new items, and things you didn’t know you needed until you saw it on a Costco shelf. This hunt is totally different from hitting department store sales, thrift stores, and garage sales. Costco is special. Having hubby with you all the time is an exercise in frustration. You leave him with the heavy cart at the end of the aisle, say “wait right here, I forgot something.” You come back with the item and no hubby. He’s gone, with the basket. You look and look and he kept walking in a different direction. He asks you where you have been. You tell him that you said to wait where he was. He didn’t hear you – Male Selective Hearing kicked in. So, instead of staying right where he was, which is the first thing you are supposed to do when you are lost but of course he didn’t know that HE was lost, he decides to start roaming around trying to remember what you said when he really wasn’t listening at all. Hint to female – check all the free food sample locations.

In time you learn that there are aisles you need to avoid completely if you are watching your weight, cholesterol, blood sugar, or have other dietary considerations. No honey, we don’t need 5 lbs. of pasta. Pasta creates havoc with our blood sugar. Prepared in the appropriate 4 oz. portions for the two of us, and served just once a week that large package will last for five months and take up a lot of space. No honey, I know I will be making a lot of jams and jellies but we have no place to store a 25 lb. bag of sugar let alone having me safely lift it and pour from it. Yes dear, I did have some Rye on the rocks and said it was very smooth, and yes that is a great price, but we don’t drink very often and I really can’t see paying for a bottle that large when it will take us years and years to drink it all.  Honey, I know the large cottage cheese at Costco is a fabulous buy but we are leaving in a couple of days for a two week vacation so let’s wait until we get back to buy it.  Right?  Am I right gals?

So, I guess I need to write Costco corporate and get their buy in. Or, we gals need to get together and hit Costco as a group while the guys hang out at a nearby location, and then just text them as we head out the door.

Oh, yes, checkout. Let me translate. When I say, “I’m going to get 1 last item in the next aisle, why don’t you go ahead and get in line,” I don’t mean any old line will do. LOOK!  The line you just walked up to has 9 people in it. Half way down the line of checkers are registers with just 2 or 3 people in line. Getting out of Costco is also a competition sport and the faster you get out the more of your sanity wins.

Can anyone relate?

Every Day is A Good Day. VJ

One thought on “COSTCO!

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